Ujima: Collective Work and Responsibility

If only there were a way to share my extra holiday desserts weight gain with my skinny neighbor...

inspired by Kwanzaa, scales, and the consequences of overindulgence

Survival of the Fullest

"Oh, I just used my Thanksgiving Day meal(s) potbelly to knock everyone out of my way to reach the very limited quantities of 5-lb. boxes of chocolate champagne truffles for $5."

inspired by Grey Thursday, Black Friday, and the real reason for the season

MeaCulpa.con

"But you said I could keep eating chocolate, lose weight and keep my same primary care doctor."

inspired by Kevin Trudeau and President Obama

Priorities

"What do you mean, my imported chocolates are stuck at the Port Authority due to the government shutdown?"

Inspired by day 9 of the most irrational, punitive political strategy executed since 1996

Blame the Culprit

Chocolate doesn't make people fat; eating too much chocolate does.

inspired by the NRA and regulation theory versus practice

Freedom

Access to luxe indulgences like organic chocolate is not only about nutrition. It is evidence of having the means to earn more than subsistence wages; to do more than endure life.

inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson and the 50th Anniversary of the 1963 March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom

Black Skin Ratio

It is better for 100 innocent persons should be stopped and frisked for contraband chocolates than that one guilty person wrapped in paler colors should suffer inconvenience, disrespect and humiliation.

inspired by Voltaire, Wm. Blackstone, Ben Franklin, NY Police Commissioner Kelly & NY Mayor Bloomberg

The Best

Chocolate isn't the only tasty treat, but it tastes better than anything else.

inspired by Paul "Bear" Bryant

Prenup

In the event of a divorce, these items: my chocolate truffles of the month membership, three-tier double tower chocolate fountain and antique sterling silver fondue set are exempt from the division of assets.

inspired by hoping for the best and preparing for the worst

No Dutch

Most of the people who want me to share my luxe chocolate with them, don't want to split the cost of it with me.

inspired by Holland Taylor

Provocative

I love to tease men with my chocolate.

inspired by Eartha Kitt

Standards

Chocoholics expect a particular quality by constantly eating a particular grade of chocolate.

inspired by Aristotle

Quality Bait

Serve luxe chocolate if you esteem your reputation as a host; for it is better to forgo serving bad chocolate to guests you plan to court as friends.

inspired by George Washington

Too Much of a Good Thing

There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of chocolate.

inspired by Salvador Dali

Banned Substances

"Give up chocolate while I'm training for a marathon?!"

inspired by people who don't cheat to win

Affordable Chocolate Act

Keep chocolatiers and dentists employed; support the ACA to grow the economy.

inspired by doomed political ultimatums

Motivation

If you must have more chocolate, think of your thighs in a swimsuit.

inspired by Noel Coward and incentives for self-control

Grief

Chocolate is a fleeting solace, fellowship is better, but action is best.

inspired by John Burns and the 100-cities rally for justice for Trayvon Martin

Aftertaste

There is a higher court than courts of justice, and that is the court of conscience. It supersedes all other courts.

Quote from Mahatma Gandhi applied in the wake of the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case, which has soured my sweet thoughts about life's philosophies.

Could've Told You That For Free

Drinking a diet soda while inhaling a meal loaded with more than the recommended daily allowance of saturated fat, sugar, cholesterol and sodium doesn't erase the calories?

inspired by results from Purdue University's recent diet soda study

Crazy

Anyone who wants to resist eating chocolate is either a saint or a masochist.

inspired by U.S. Pres. Dwight D. Eisenhower

Sure Thing

A man is an occasional pleasure, but chocolate is always a treat.

inspired by Groucho Marx

Sisyphus, The Chocoholic

Roll the balance ball across the mat ten times for every bite of chocolate swallowed.

inspired by eternal struggles

Return On Investment

Chocolate in a recipe adds perfection to a treat.

inspired by Aristotle

Independence

Chocolate tastes like freedom.

inspired by Susan B. Anthony

Bucket List

1. Devour Belgium chocolates in Brussels
2. Savor crescents layered with chocolate in Paris, France
3. A shopping spree at Chocolate World in Hershey, Pennsylvannia
4. Visit Chocolat Frey in Switzerland
5. Die happy

inspired by YOLO

Exchange Rate

Can I buy the most chocolate with dollars, Euros or yen?

inspired by international money markets

Raison D'Etre

Chocolate--made merely for the purpose of indulgence

inspired by Jean de le Bruyere

Carb Addicts' Lament

Doctors recommend moderation in sweets consumption; occasional small, one and done servings of candies, cookies, doughnuts, pies or cake, but the buzz of eating more, more often is so hard to resist.

inspired by The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition

Identity Crisis

Sometimes you feel like a double-dipped chocolate covered peanut. Sometimes you don't.

inspired by nostalgic candy slogans

Elitist Smack Talk

Philistine! You swallow your truffles in one greedy gulp, without pausing to break the shell and savor the blend of flavor profiles.

inspired by cable food channels

Chocolate Cake

Everyone wants to eat a piece of me.

inspired by Tiger Woods

President Brother

Her husband glanced at her as he stopped for the red light. "How many truffles did you buy for my mom for her birthday?"

"One dozen," she said.

"Actually, it was two," the satellite vehicle services operator said. "You ordered one for your mother-in-law and one for yourself."

inspired by metadata, the NSA, the Patriot Act and George Orwell

NOT the Most Sincere Form of Flattery

There's no such thing as imitation chocolate; either it's chocolate or it's an insult to chocolate .

inspired by Charles Caleb Colton

80/20 Rule

80% of the time my desserts are all chocolate; 20% of the time they're not.

inspired by the Pareto Principle

Guns and Ammo

If bullets were replaced with chocolate, I'd work as a human practice target for free.

inspired by brilliant 7-year-old Myles and his letter to Pres. Obama

Genius

Whoever invented the Cupcake ATM needs to do the same for chocolate truffles.

inspired by midnight cravings

Scandal

MarshMellie at the White House with milk chocoLiv down the street

inspired by juicy season finales

IRS Audit

"No, your annual expenditures for chocolates don't qualify as medical care deductions for preventative mental health costs," the auditor said.

inspired by prescriptions for bliss

Wishful Thinking

You have one minute to grab as many chocolates as you can carry.

inspired by an empty wallet + a perpetual craving

Waste Not

Receiving chocolate and not eating it is like getting a present and not opening it.

inspired by William Arthur Ward

Appreciation

Giving chocolate is a generous act. It offers an excellent treat to others, who think excellent thoughts of the giver upon receiving and eating.

inspired by Voltaire

Freaky Thursday Fantasy

The fat and calories for a milk chocolate candy bar switched with those of a cucumber.

inspired by impossible dreams

Cuatro de Mayo

What? Cinco de Mayo Eve doesn't commemorate the night before Mexico vanquished France and liberated itself from French chocolate tyranny, adding cinnamon, other spices and ingredients to chocolate without restraint.

inspired by the 1862 Battle of Puebla

Benefits Package

Pleasure for one minute, a chocolate truffle. Pleasure for one hour, a box of chocolates; but pleasure for a lifetime, being a chocolatier.

inspired by an ancient Chinese proverb

May Day

If you want me to dance around a pole, it better have ribbons of chocolate streaming from it.

inspired by an ancient custom

Hindsight

Good chocolates cost more in advance; bad chocolates the most in aftertaste, with heavy and bitter regrets.

inspired by John Lubbock

Oxymoron

White Chocolate

inspired by chocolate ingredients originalists

Fill It, Buster!

I will eat chocolate until I can no longer stomach the sight, smell and scent of chocolate.

inspired by Senator Rand Paul

Sequester Stalemate

"No, cancelling my luxe chocolates of the month membership to offset the family budget deficit is not on the table," the chocoholic said.

inspired by the 113th U.S. Congress

Obstacle Course

The pathway to luxe chocolate is cluttered with many hurdles: access, calories, guilt.

inspired by Lewis F. Korns

Variety

The choicest chocolates lie in glass cases within the confectionery.

inspired by Martin Farquhar Tupper

Better In Theory

Abstinence makes the chocolate cravings grow stronger.

inspired by Charles M. Schultz

Scylla and Charybdis

Forty days without chocolate now versus time in purgatory later

inspired by Lent

Envy

Remembered pleasures offer as little comfort to starving people as the chocolate in their neighbors' mouths.

inspired by Abraham Miller

The Hangover

She awoke sprawled among topless heart-shaped boxes with empty pleated candy wrappers stuck to her face and all over the streaks of chocolate body paint flaking off her skin.

inspired by Valentine's Day

When Something Is Worse Than Nothing

Bad chocolate gives no pleasure at all.

inspired by Arthur Adamov

Storm Plan

Checklist
beverages: hot chocolate
fruit: chocolate-dipped strawberries
vegetables: bean mole w/roasted butternut squash
protein: peanut butter marbled brownies
grains: chocolate chip granola bars
dairy: chocolate ice cream

Shelter in place until Spring thaw.

inspired by nor'easter + blizzard + hurricane

Eat In Haste; Regret...

Why not eat chocolate a lot? How often is indulgence ruined by guilt, nagging guilt!

inspired by Jane Austen's Emma

Mystery Solved

The psychiatric nutritionist said, "I said eat chocolates in moderation, not in agitation."

inspired by Jackie Warner's This Is Why You're Fat

Eater Beware

The flavor of chocolate lasts but a moment.
The consequences of chocolate linger at the waistline.

inspired by Jean-Pierre Claris de Florian

First Law of Chocodynamics

Cocoa and cream are elements in chocolate transformation.
Mix them with heat and work plus butter and sugar to transfer the flavors from bitter to sweet.

inspired by science

Worth the Wait

With the eating ends the anticipation of the chocolate.

inspired by President Abraham Lincoln

Daily Bread

A truffle a day is worth whatever you'll pay.

inspired by Elizabeth Wright's 1913 version of a popular proverb

Hips Don't Lie

"These measurements suggest that you've neither increased the number of squats and lunges during your workouts nor decreased the amount of chocolate consumed during your meals," the physical torturer trainer said as she looked at the tape measure looped around the victim's client's gluteus ginormous.

inspired by true events

Delightful Biteful

Chocolate is the Divine treat in the course of a meal.

inspired by Lewis F. Korns

Compulsion

If I didn't care for chocolate,
I'd probably lose this big gut.
But I shall eat the way I do,
Because sweets compel like strong voodoo.

inspired by Dorothy Parker's Enough Rope

When Virtue Is Overrated

Chocolate's a treat, and sometimes treats are sinful pleasures.

inspired by Lord Byron from Don Juan

Numbers Game

"It takes how many hours of cardio to burn off all the calories from one chocolate truffle?!"

inspired by true events

The Chocolatiers

"Co-Co(a)"

I've been trying to eat all right
I've been living a healthy life
I've been eating dark cocoa instead
Not eating before bed
No eating before bed

inspired by "Ho! Hey!" by The Lumineers

Duty

Chocolate's sole task is to provide as much pleasure as possible.

inspired by Susan Hubbard

Dues

Dimples are the price that you pay for spending more time eating chocolate than exercising.

inspired by Shirley Chisholm

Snack Talk

Smack. Dribble. Dunk.

inspired by sandwich cookies with milk, and Carmelo Anthony's handling of Kevin Garnett's (alleged) trash talk

Sweet Somethings

"Rich milk chocolate, creamy caramel, roasted hazelnut ganache, citrus creme, toasted coconut or pure dark decadence," the chocolatier said, pointing to each tempting confection as the enthralled foodie gazed into the display case.

inspired by irresistible assortments

Season's Eatings

Farewell, holiday goodies season.
Hello, swimsuit-ready workout schedule.

inspired by celebratory carbohydrates consumption